#1428

A dictionary is just a poor man's lexicon.


Posted while: Comparing lexicon to leprechaun. Perhaps a Venn diagram is in order.

#74

Without a villain, a hero is nothing.


Posted while: Plotting.

#A01E

#000000 is the new black.

#1985

Maybe my inspiration comes from a completely different source than I had once thought.


Posted while: Playing Tetris with my writer's blocks.

#802

Spiders make poor squash partners.


Posted while: Scraping Timothy off the court.

#108

Chris Hansen and Geppetto would not get along.


Posted while: Watching "To Catch a Carpenter."

#172

Nobody is invincible.

#864

Cars rock, SUVs roll.


Posted while: Giving a safety lecture.

#377

For the life of me, I can't tell the difference between a koan and dementia.


Posted while: Clapping with one hand.

#1406

Lizards aren't pets, they're furniture.

#1224

If I had a light green shirt and a pith helmet I could get away with anything.


Posted while: People-watching.

#900

Good intentions are worth their weight in gold.

#382

It's been so long since I've played Gauntlet that Wizard has probably starved to death.


Posted while: Needing food badly.

#-441

One may be the loneliest number, but at least it's positive.


Posted while: Punctually puncturing pundits with impunity.

#873

Mother's Day is for actual mothers, not "bad muthas." Every day is Mutha's Day.

#1162

Revenge is a dish best served with a light zinfandel.

#242

Nobody actually needs more cowbell.

#665

We're totally not prepared for the zombie apocalypse.


Posted while: Preemptively decapitating corpses.

#1014

There's a chance, however slim, that you're all just really creative LARPers.

#404

Realization not found.

#612

My bologna had a first name :(


Posted while: Vegetarian.

#906

I'm a towel.


Posted while: Absorbent.

#114

If it is dark, you are likely to be eaten by a grue.


Posted while: Standing in an open field west of a white house.