#4026

In retrospect, moving the Earth closer to the sun because she was cold was probably a bad idea.

#201

I shouldn't have overlooked the word "poltergeist" on his tenant application.

#541

At some point in my life, I forgot the simplistic beauty that is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.


Posted while: Downing the glass of milk.

#484

There was film in that camera!

#1084

I wish you hadn't bit me, but on the other hand these brains are quite delicious.


Pass the salt.

#806

In retrospect, I shouldn't have told the aliens about Mountain Dew.


Posted while: Cleaning ...something... off the ceiling.

#1476

Those wolves look awfully hungry.


Posted while: Trying to remember where I parked my car.

#341

The old prospectors always die right before they finish telling me where the gold is buried.


Posted while: Scouring them thar hills.

#1308

I have seen the future. Gather the bug spray, hide the coffeepots, and varnish the doorknobs; it's going to be a rough week.


Posted while: Kicking myself for not checking lottery numbers while I was there.

#442

I don't remember what it was like before the Internet.


Posted while: Envisioning a feudal system of information exchange.

#1433

Google Analytics: The most addictive thing on the internets.


Posted while: Wondering Finding out where you're all from.

#1548

Turns out the captain always goes down with the ship, not on it.


Posted while: Trying to return a ship costume.

#602

We have an internal arms race going: people equate size with safety, buying bigger SUVs, so people need to get bigger SUVs to be safe from the people with bigger SUVs.


Posted while: Trapped in an infinite loop.

#702

It's perfect on paper. In practice has yet to be seen.